Letter to Myself: (but not by Walt Whitman)

How are you, most sensational, complicated, person? I’ve watched you over years, relationships, heights, and struggles. You’ve carried a great stone along the journey. You strapped it to yourself with a thick leather belt and every path you proceeded down you heaved.

This stone’s massive, dear. Bigger than you. But…you picked it, yourself. You chose, right!? Well at least it had your name on it at the transition point. Whether the tags were switched is irrelevant now. Regardless, you accepted it and strapped the harness tight. On you went. On you pulled. And little, fragile, girl that you are under your big, mobster complex, this has been a burden beyond burdens, hasn’t it?

Have you thought of removing the colossal mass? Have you considered how simple it would be to unlatch the notches of the belt and walk free, again?

Why are you so committed to a struggle? Only you keep it alive, really. Yes, others measure in, but only you choose to pull day by day. Aren’t you tired of the weight? Or do you feel deserving of this hardship?

I know you would appreciate your freedom. You would dance. You would bound in favor of gravity and know no end to your energy and movement. You would appreciate the sheer motion of climbing from your bed and not feeling the stone thud behind you. You would reach for it and smile when it wasn’t there. You, my dear, would tell everyone – because that’s who you are.

So why keep it? Why be responsible for it? This race is yours and you’re not less of a person if you sprint without your boulder in tow. How much faster you will go! How much strength you will exude! You are a remarkable creature who deserves to be freed from the captivity, guilt and shame have endorsed.

Choose freedom and see how fast you are. Choose freedom and no longer hinge on guilt-filled pleas. They are not your heart. They are not your bright and shinning nights. They are not your early morning rides and your blissful Love in the afternoons. They do no encompass you. So, why not cut them away? Why not allow yourself the depth of enjoyment in this life, no matter the length?

Remember when you were a bike racer? (Not to say that you are no more, but remember….) When you raced with a wagon of expectation in tow? Remember when you resolved it?

Of course you do. Now, walk freely.